"BECOMING A BETTER YOU" A PANACEA FOR GIRL-CHILD EARLY MARRIAGE.

“BECOMING A BETTER YOU” A PANACEA FOR GIRL-CHILD EARLY MARRIAGE.

JohnBosco Nkanyimmuo (Rev. Fr.)

Preamble.

In philosophical study of ontology the concept of becoming dates back to Heraclitus of Ephesus who in the 6th century declared that nothing in this world is constant except change and becoming. He puts it succinctly thus; “No man ever steps in the same river twice”. As it is specific and natural to the mother of all disciplines - Philosophy, many other complementary and even contradictoryviews have come up in the field of ontology to expatiate this. Underlining their whole philosophic thought is that Being is always in the process of becoming and learning brings about change in Being. Making it more specific and clearer, in the year 1999, Rajendra Pillai published a book he captured 100 Ways to be a Better You. Here, he outlined practical ways of polishing one’s life and getting the best out of it. Thus, amidst other factors that contribute to the girl-child early marriage, lack of focus on self-awareness and actualization posits itself as one of the militating factors.

Rebuilding the Girl-Child Educational Values

Education is a whole life process, so also, the daily project of becoming a better you through the power of self-discipline. This accounts for some philosophers’ stand that being is always in the process of becoming. Marriage on the other hand goes to assert that though one is not yet what one ought to be; one has indeed gone far in becoming what one should be. Little wonder both the Civil law and Canon law have stipulated maturity and qualifying age for both male and female marriages. The Church went as far as making underage one of the impediments for marriage. Canonically, a man cannot validly enter marriage before the completion of her 16th year of age nor a woman before the completion of her 14th year (Can. 1083). However, for one to attain this age does not mean that one is fully mature for marriage, because age is only but one of the major requirements for marriage.Consequently, when one who has not become fully mature socially, bodily, humanly, cognitively, religiously and otherwise gives into marriage as an adventure, we speak of early marriage. UNICEF maintains that marriage before the age of 18 is a fundamental violation of human rights regardless of sex. The Child Right Act, which was passed in 2003, sets the age of marriage at 18 years old.In our own setting, the girl-child more than the male counterpart is often prey to early marriage and its inherent consequent challenges. In his 1983 epoch making publication, The Trouble with Nigeria, late Professor Chinua Achebe asserts: “The trouble with Nigeria is simply and squarely a failure of leadership. There is nothing basically wrong with the Nigerian land or climate or water or air or anything else”. 

Thus, this write up, thinks that inculcating in the girl-child the endless longing and desire to become a better you in the future is an ultimate answer towards curbing early marriage. Hence,when one through mentor leadership has a defined goal, vision and mission in life and constantly visualizes and works towards achieving it, early marriage discussion/advances by suitors will only come as an abortive or unnecessary distraction. Positing itself as such, one has to be wary and work against whatever offers itself as a stumbling block towards self-actualization and becoming ones dream vision of life. On the other hand, when one has no definite appetite sustaining focus in life practically, everything focuses on the person including early marriage as a valuable alternative worthy of attention and consideration. Lewis Carol puts it succinctly thus; "if you don't know where you are going, any road will get there."One of the major reasons why visions fail is lack of focus and definite practical work plan for anticipated future as the so-called and widely trumpeted Nigerians vision 2020 and the likes. In a word, if wishes were horses, beggars might ride.

Get Your Priorities Right.

Marriage, as important as it is in every society, is most appreciated when it is celebrated  and accomplished at a ripe age of maturation without the couple being a burden to either the close relatives or the society at large. The girl-child early marriage is as a result of network of factors such as poverty, the false belief that marriage will provide "protection" family honour, social norms, and so on. USAID observed that some parents often feel that a girl is an economic burden and therefore wish to marry off their young daughters before they become an economic liability.Take it or leave it, the more mature, self-dependent and responsibly exposed to the age and signs of the time the female partner is, the more the line-up of prospective suitors gasping and offering their hands in marriage. This tells us more why the necessity to become “a better you” is of utmost and immense value. The Igbo proverb goes thus; “Ahia oma na-ere onweya” (Good products need no advertisement to excel).Early marriage is an abuse of the womanhood of the girl-child. Many scholars across the ages believe that the best way to change the world is to change oneself. Put in another way, Mother Theresa of Calcutta avers: “there are many good people in the world, if you can’t find one, be one”.

Inculcating in the girl-child, the zealous desire to strive for ways to develop herself further at a slightest opportunity will make her not count marriage atearly stage as a priority or necessity. This solidifies Helen Kellers dictum which says; “One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar” (1996). Remember, where there is a will, there is a way. Jesus himself declared“the zeal for my Father’s house is consuming me” (John 2:17). We shouldn’t forget that each new virtue, skill or talent one adds to one’s life raises the dignity and the overall quality of the person’s life and in fact makes the person enviable and more admirable even to prospective suitors in the society. It requires a lot of discipline to hold fast one’s ideals and vision in life.Early marriage can be injurious for the girl-child over-all development because of the inherent challenges and responsibilities that goes with it. For instance, none of the women of great repute and fame in Nigerian society and beyond is known to be a product of early marriage. Experience has shown that women in general achieve less after marriage due to family responsibilities and child bearing. This points to one of the reasons/why some fields of study insist that pregnant women should discontinue with the pursuit of their discipline. This may be because of the possible divided attention or total lack of concentration amidst other reasons that can result from it as part and parcel of marriage.

“Becoming a Better You” a Vision and a Project

Having gone thus far, one can now ask what it really means to become a better you? In a word, becoming a better you is an on-going self-evaluation to really discover in concrete terms the things that make the you in you. It calls for self-development, awareness and maturity through personal efforts and education before self-offer in marriage.It entails, working towards a more presentable and enviable personality.A professor if he has not gone into the rigours of academic pursuit with its acute discipline of reading and writing could have at best and as well been the best of the deviants or dissidents in the society. Similarly, not all who have gone into academic pursuit are today professors, PhD. holders and so on. But the underlining factor is that they have all sought to discover their better selves within their circumstances and resources in the academic world. For instance, Nigeria’s well-meaning scholars across the ages have considered some Nigerian graduates as half-baked graduates and unemployable thus leading to large scale unemployment (Omejevwe, 2013).Why?

This is because not all wheatthat passes through the grinding machine finally and successfully becomes flour. The world acclaimed footballer Leonel Messi, if he has not gone into the excruciating tenacity of football training to become his better self could have as well ended up among other things a drug addict. St Paul reminds us that in a race the runners all compete but only one receives the prize. Run in such a way that will guarantee you winning (1 Cor.9:24). This is what it means to become a better you. A student that does not bow his or her head completely throughout the formative stages in order to excel in the tripartite domains of education, namely: cognitive, affective and psychomotor, will end up a school dropout faced with the dangers and challenges of early marriage among others. In essence, he who wants gold should dig deeper while he who expects diamond should be ready to get to the deepest level. Like St Paul, do not run aimlessly, nor box as though beating the air; but pummel your body and enslave it so that you should not be disqualified (1 Cor.9: 26-27). Always remember that success will not lower its standards to accommodate you. You have to achieve it. Successful marriage implies successful preparation. He, who fails to plan, plans to fail. Most early marriages are as a result of lack of life planning and objective focus in life. The girl-child can be filled with zeal to seek the first things first in terms of struggles for self-discovery and actualization to become a better self. From the foregoing, one will definitely see that becoming a better you involves network of factors for the girl-child.This will definitely prepare her for a more enjoyable and fulfilling marriage later in life.

Conclusion.

Good to note is that becoming a better you is action oriented and not mere policy. This is to say that the project of becoming a better you is not a mere ideological fantasy. Brian Tracy (2010) articulates its principles in his time honoured book The Power of Self-Discipline: No Excuses. In a word, excuses can be a hindrance or obstacle towards this self-actualization. Experience has shown that the major challenge facing the Nigerian government is that most of her wonderful principles to restore the fallen standard of education and formationare mostly restricted to paper policy alone. In a word, it’s time for action, action speaks louder than voice. No nation can rise above the quality of education its citizens receive. Forming and becoming a better you should be the target of all the teachers and students in educational sectors of our life. Guidance and Counseling personnel among others, have more to do in this regard. This will help the girl-child to be her best self and to make informed decision about marriage amidst the changes and chances of life by avoiding cheap and early marriages at all costs.

'DecencyWrites'.