THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF BROKEN FAMILY TO THE CHILDREN. (PART 1).

                                                                                                                                        To be continued. 

  

A woman wants to live happily ever after with her husband, partner, or whatever the situation may be that’s the ideal scenario. But life as you’ve probably experienced doesn’t always play out the way you want. Sometime that happily ever after ending get together, have kids, buy a house doesn’t always work out as planned and you have to adapt and move forward, change your situation after facing certain rigors of life. It’s not ideal, but you figure out it’s better in the long term.

Sometimes divorce happens it’s actually more prevalent in Western societies than we’d like to admit. Some marriages last the distance; others fall by the wayside. Today all you need to do is turn on the TV and you will hear about couples in the limelight who are getting divorced. They seem to be getting divorced left right and center. You never think that will occur in your own life. But you can’t always stick it out in a broken marriage, sometimes a divorce and separation is the best thing for everybody. Most adults can deal with it, but if there’re kids involved, things could get complicated.

Kids get affected by divorce the most, more than the bickering adults and feuding families. Even if your separation is pretty amicable, your kid’s going to be feeling things especially if your child’s young, that may not be immediately evident. Some feelings fester and then manifest in different ways negative ways. These are 15 negative ways kids from broken homes get affected.

1.NIGHTMARES

 Night terrors usually occur as a result of something that’s happening in our lives. it’s our brain’s way of adjusting, coping to changes in our lives. That’s why divorce, memories of the separation, living in a new home, a new neighborhood, and going to a new school; these can all be triggers for nightmares. Unfortunately, kids tend to suffer more nightmares than adults; it’s just the way it works. Kids may not have a whole lot of worries in their lives, but they have vivid imaginations, and sometimes their imaginations can run riot when they’re meant to be away with the fairies. This vivid imagination means that kids have a lot of fears, whether they’re scared of the dark or a monster under the bed, parents splitting up can exacerbate these fears. Although it can be distressing to see you child writhing and uncomfortable at night, as your child gets older, these nightmares will tend to subside a period that will correlate with your child learning to master his/her feelings.

2. ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR

Some kids, mostly boys, but boys and girls lash out, become increasingly more disobedient and can even become violent towards their parents or others around them. This can be a simple way of displaying emotions, but if it progresses, could lead to something physicians like to deem as oppositional defiant disorder; repetitive and persistent disobedience towards authority figures, i.e. parents, teachers. This can, of course, have a negative impact on your child’s day-to-day life, and if it’s not nipped in the bud with parent management or family training during expert sessions with a therapist could progress and become a lifelong problem.

When your child is still a child, he/she is learning, developing, inside and out, body and personality wise. You don’t want your child to think this type of anti-social behavior is the norm; you don’t want this personality trait to stick with your child for life.

Aggression/acting out in bursts is different, but allows these behaviors to become engrained into your child’s personality, and it could develop into ODD.

3. SLEEPER EFFECT

This is a term used to describe what commonly happens to young girls whose parents separate or go through a divorce.

Boys are more open with their emotions. Although they display their emotions in various ways, as a parent, you’ll usually be able to tell if something’s wrong. But it’s trickier when it comes to trying to get girls to open up. They may be more inclined to do so if with their mom, but even so, young girls aren’t great at dealing with their emotions, talking about feeling and all that kind of stuff.

Young girls from broken homes tend to bottle everything up, then during adolescence, once they mature, their feelings begin to surface; hence this term is referred to as the sleeper effect, the feeling’s sleep, remain dormant for many years before awaking and coming to the surface. This usually occurs during teenager years, during important periods in their lives.

 4.HAS TO MAKE-DO

Kids, who should be reveling in their childhood, their innocent ways, have a reality check when they discover that not everything will be put on a plate for them. It sounds harsh, but that’s what happens to most kids from broken homes; they have the grow up fast and whilst doing so, make-do with what they’ve got. This may be due to financial constraints, as mentioned in the previous point, but having to make-do isn’t all about money. Different parenting styles means that your kid will have to make-do with your parenting techniques; this may mean less intimacy, cuddles, or just less everything common with kids who go to live with their dads. This could affect a kid’s outlook on life; being content with what they’ve got and not striving to better themselves. It could also affect your child’s outlook when it comes to finances, when they get older; they have money, and because they had to make-do once, they spend this money immediately because they feel they don’t want to go back to that period.

5. POVERTY.

Living with parents, both mom and dad are great for a kid in a number of ways, but more often than not, it also means having a dual income. The financial burden of child-rearing may be just that for some a burden but having both parents on hand a dual income should lessen the load. Raising a child is expensive, just when taking into account the necessities, not to mention all the additional things you want to buy for or do for your kid. This often means that when child-rearing, money’s tight at the best of times, but imagines just having one salary? Raising a child on a single salary is unthinkable for many parents, a single salary and only one pair of hands for support. Sometimes, a separation may involve your estranged other half contributing towards child support, but such an agreement can’t always be worked out. Consequently, many kids from broken homes grow up in poverty, or experience poverty at some point during their childhood.

6.  EMOTIONAL TRAUMAL.

Your child will display emotional turmoil, how much will probably depend on the nature of your separation was it amicable, was it pretty distressing, etc. Different types of kids will handle the situation differently, but they will all experience some sort of emotional turmoil. It will be the root cause for a lot of the mental health orders that may arise, as mentioned above. These can be tricky for parents to spot and to sort out. But there may be other things that are more obvious, that your child may be doing when you’re not around. Immediately after a divorce/separation, you can expect plenty of crying. But this may also happen months, sometimes years after divorce, your child’s still coming to terms with the family dynamic, which has changed drastically. Crying in rooms is not uncommon at night when they’re lying in bed often sets off the emotions. As much as you’d like to, you can’t really do anything about this, just let them cry it out, it’s part of their coping mechanism, a way to relieve emotion.

 7.STOP KIDS BEING KIDS

Depending on the situation at the time of your divorce, your child may have to grow up very quickly. This can have a detrimental impact on your kid’s development, a kid should still be able to be a kid but in certain events such as this one, many have to display emotional maturity beyond his/her years.

They may not necessarily want to, but many kids have to take on a greater amount of responsibility around the house, and in life in general. The emotional baggage can cause a child to grow up fast, but because a member of their household’s missing, they may have to help out more, do chores, and help the single parent they’re living with with certain tasks.

In the immediate aftermath of a divorce, many kids may have to deal with the woes of the parent they’re living with. Again, a kid taking on this level of emotional baggage, isn’t healthy, and may stop your kid from being a kid.

                                                                                                                                            To be continued.

‘DecencyWrites’.